post grad blues.

and this is just the beginning;

people always told me to enjoy college while i can cause it'll be the best period of my life. i'm pretty sure i can say that i'm one of the few people who loved cmu. yeah it was hard, the weather was sucky & etcetc, but the past 4 years were the most interesting years of my life that i'll always reminisce about. i do miss college, whether its the studying aspect or the social life. we were all able to do what we wanted with the excuse that "we're in college." no rules, no exceptions. coming home at 6am without parents to wake up (i guess not a problem for those who don't live at home). going out, partying up, not having a care of how we're going to get home or what i smell like. in general, just being stupid & not caring about the future.

now, we're actually expected to make something of ourselves. if we bum around, we're useless graduates who are too lazy to find a job. if we work, they we're missing out on the life that used to be.

some of my friends already started working. there's mixed emotions. there's the people who are excited & happy that a new leaf has turned; then there's those who are regretting starting to work right out of school, without experiencing the... freedom. i'm loving the fact that i'm not doing anything. i'm proud to admit it: I AM A BUM! but then at the same time, now that i've been doing nothing for some time, i just keep thinking about my life and where i'm taking it. i haven't been avidly searching for a job & strangely i don't feel too much pressure or stress. yet, i know i should be out there in the world like everyone else, earning my pay & doing something with my college degree. sigh, what am i doing with my life. why am i not motivated?

i am quite jealous of people who have everything in their life planned out. going straight into a high paying job. planning to retire by the time their 35. relaxing on the beaches. my dream life, as lame as it may seem, was always to meet a guy, date for a while, get married, have 2 kids before 30 & be a stay-at-home/soccer/pta/etc mom. yet for some reason, maybe i expected too much. i guess there should always be room for surprises & accidents here & there. currently, life is definitely not going the way i planned. maybe it'll go back on track in a couple months. but honestly, i'm happier than i've ever been. maybe surprises aren't always a bad thing..

yet again, i don't even know where i'm going with this.

sustainable fashion

to me it seems impossible;

pure amazingness

it takes guts to wear the same "uniform" everyday. i'm amazed to see how she can take one outfit and morph it into so many unique combinations. i look up to people who can do that; i freak out at wearing the same leggings within a week span in case someone can tell (i get so neurotic over things like that). i know i'm probably the only one who remembers what i wore three days before, but it bothers me to wear something twice. but if i really think about it, if i just had 7 essential pieces, and spent money on accessorizing and making little variations, i would save so much money. looking at my closet, dresser, and the pile of clothing i call a floor in my room, there's so many different things that i've only wore once, or still haven't worn but can't bring myself to throw out. and now i'm babbling. again.

diy hairdying failure & reflections (literally).

seems to be the complete opposite effect;

writing while listening to selena gomez - falling down; i adore that girl

back to the main point -- got super bored at home after coming back from the doctors appointment (which i was 30 minutes late to. whatever they suck anyways). used this japanese hair manicure that i bought couple months ago but never got around to using. after poking some holes in a garbage bag & mentally preparing myself, telling myself that i won't fuck up, took me 15 minutes to feel confident in the amount of gloop i put in my hair. after waiting 15 minutes (supposed to be a "speedy 5 minute" process) took a much needed shower & watched all the chemicals go down the drain (is it going to kill the fish in the sea? crap.) got too impatient waiting for it to dry so blowdried a bit. and now i swear it looks darker than before. its was supposed to turn out to a honey brown (i expected a brown, slightly lighter than what i have now). but no. as i look at myself in the mirror while i'm typing (i sound vain - my bed is in front of the dresser mirror furniture thing so its not

my fault), i think i just wasted 30 minutes of my life trying to dye my hair. a slight fml. not that i would have been doing anything better or more interesting.

and of course i get sidetracked -- again.

speaking of mirrors, i didn't realize how often i look at a mirror or my reflection as i walk around, whether it's when i'm out or even at home. does it make me narcissistic? i never thought of myself as that type of girl, but one of my friends pointed it out when we were hanging out one night (his exact words: "do you realize you've looked at 3 out of the 5 car's windows that we've passed?"). i mean, i'm sure its just not me. im assuming most girls do it, especially cause i like to think of myself as a down-to-earth, not-quite-feminine-slightly-more-tomboyish kind of girl (well at least most of the times). but does that really make me vain? or perhaps i don't have enough self esteem/confidence to feel good about myself without constantly looking at my reflection to reassure myself that i look fine. or maybe i really do just like looking at myself. the second one sound about right.

love this picture. rip daul kim.

fresh start pt. 2

and now i remember;

there's always reason behind the madness. after reading over my ramblings posted 5 minutes ago, i remembered the reason behind it all. i deviated from the original idea of the post about 3 sentences in (like i said, my thoughts are random & take the best of me). and now it will just sound childish & stupid but hey, its my blog; you deal with it.

alwayseu. always eu. always you.

thank goodness my name works so well as a pun. the name of the blog came to me because of the frustration behind thinking of the actual name. no matter how many names i go through (e-mail, aim, blogs, etc) i'll always be me. its always the same person behind the words & ideas. i as a person am the one thing that stays constant in my life. people come & go. thoughts come & usually go rather quickly for me. okay now its getting corny. a good sign to stop rambling.

on a sidenote - i hate how whenever you keep looking at one word the spelling slowly starts to look weird.

fresh start

its silly if you really think about it;

i spent the past hour trying to figure out old e-mail accounts, passwords & secret questions in order to figure out a name for this blog. every name that i could think of & wanted was taken, causing me more grief & frustration (after telling a friend what i finally decided upon their reactions: "took you long enough"). then i realized in the past 22 years of my life, i've probably gone through way too many e-mail addresses, screennames & passwords that i cannot remember for the life of me. and now i ask myself: why did i keep switching them? i wish i could've realized how simple it would have made my life now to stay constant & not be so wishy-washy. but then that got me thinking: what is in a name.

when i was younger, i always wondered how my parents named me: eunice young park. my mom told me she originally wanted make my korean name byul (star in english). thinking about it now, i know i would have been a much different person today than i am now if they actually carried through with that name; thank God they didn't. honestly, i have no idea what my korean name means. something that has to do with a flower. or something. who knows.

eu⋅nice

latinized form of eunike (greek); eu:well, good, fair; nike: victory

my name reflects my personality very well. or my personality reflects my name very well. whichever, whatever. either way, i remember i used to hate my name. people would always misspell & mispronounce it. no one had the same name (except for the character in street car named desire - of course when we read that in highschool i always had to read that part). it wasn't until middle school that i met someone who had the same first name. and this year is the first time i met another person named eunice park. bizarre.

not going to lie, i don't remember where i was going with this. i don't even know why i'm writing about it. if you have read down to this part, congratulations! you have successfully followed a normal train-of-thought of mine. the best word to describe me: random. and now you know why.

i guess this is a fresh start to blogging & writing for me. i tried to keep a journal for the longest time but the last time i wrote in it was literally last year (my last entry was my new years resolution for 2009). one side of me hopes that no one ends up stumbling on to this page. and if you do, i'm sorry that you wasted 2 minutes of your time with my randomness. or maybe you were blessed. i'd like to think of it the latter.

its 3:30am & i have a doctors appointment at 11:30. lets see what time i sleep & if i can wake up in time for it.